The “Black Hole of Death”

photo.PNG-6 copy 4As a title holder, I’m supposed to be a role model for not only younger children, but people my age and older. But what people fail to realize is that role models make mistakes. But what makes this job so special is sharing my story with others so they don’t make the same mistakes. So, here’s my story, my mistake and my lesson.

During my sophomore, junior and part of my senior year at Winthrop, I experienced what I like to call a “Black Hole of Death.” Sounds awful right? It was a time where priorities were all my messed up, toxic people and things were taking over my life and my self-confidence was really low, but not many people knew about it. It happened after a series of bad events that happened in my life and looked to people and things to fill that void in my life. I was so worried about being “liked” and “accepted” by people that I changed who I was as a person to be more appealing to them. Let’s just say it involved a lot of partying, guys that clearly didn’t like me for my personality and “friends.” (And I use the term friends very loosely)

One morning after a hard night of partying, I sat up and looked in the mirror. My hair was all over the place, mascara smeared and I still had on clothes from the night before. I sat and stared for 45 minutes. I didn’t recognize who that girl was anymore. I was no longer that sweet, driven, ambitious girl anymore. I was the girl that my “friends” wanted me to be. I wasn’t Lustra anymore. I realized that I had to get it together. But was it too late? I messed up big time and I wanted to fix it but didn’t know how.

What people fail to realize is that we ALL make mistakes. We ALL fall short. We ALL do things we aren’t proud of. I kept asking God why He did this to me…but then I realized that it was a blessing in disguise. The Black Hole of Death made me realize my self-worth and find out who I really was as a person. I made a lot of mistakes and did some things that I’ll never be proud of. But the great thing about mistakes is that they don’t define who you are as person. The lessons you learn from them define who are as a woman. I’ve throw away the toxic people in my life. Rebuilt my relationship with God and I’m in a happy and healthy relationship. So if you feel like you’re in your own “black hole of death,” it’s not too late to get out of it. Stop looking to satisfy people and satisfy yourself. You deserve it. God made us all in His image. We should start acting like it. Am I where I should be? Absolutely not. But I’m much better than I use to be. In the words of Aibleen Clark, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”

 

Peace, Love and God Speed Forever!

Lustra. 🙂

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